gotta preface this by saying i'm not a yumejoshi, self shipper, oc x canon, etc etc. I'm just around those communites because i have a lot of friends who do that stuff. ok? cool.

i'm not one to hold the belief that some people have of "ugh, normies got into geek stuff in 2020 and now it's ruined!" because i think it removes the real reality that these issues have been a thing for a while. let's not forget that kinnie drama was a very big thing for a long, long time in certain circles. what i do believe though is that the culture has changed a bit due to influencer culture permiating fucking everything. when i say influencer culture, i don't mean like actual influencers with 100k followers or whatever. what i mean is that some person can have like...1k followers on twitter and be like "i ship myself with mika kagehira from enstars" and all of a sudden people will treat this person like they have higher authority over others as a fan because of follower count.

the only reason why people contribute this change to nerdy things becoming popular to normies is because the general influencer boom has consumed culture so much that it became noise. people are more concerned with stats and engagement with being a fan rather than just being a fan. suddenly people think some 3k account on twitter is some weird snob or that people who have a lot of merchendise and commissions is some rich classist asshole and not a person with a job and some savings.

speaking of art, the way some people talk about commissions in regards to yume is really repugnant. i don't care if i'm falling for bait, why do i see so much drama about commissions and the basis of a lot of it stems from people just...not understanding that art is a want and not a need. for example: it sounds weird to me when people say they only seek out artists from places with a weaker currency because of how cheap it is and not because they truely like the artist. these people won't tip either, they'll just pay $10 on art that they would've paid $60 USD if it was an American artist. these people are acting like businesses who offshore for financial reasons and not individuals short changing independent artists out of a bespoke piece. that's just my feelings on it anyways. this isn't even mentioning how people treat artists in general. "oh, this artist had requests open and i gave them my yume ship and they didn't draw it. i think they hate me personally." sometimes it's not that deep, please don't take personal offense to that.

i don't like that so much of people's self-worth is tied to yume stuff. it makes me sad that people center their self worth on whether or not people care about their self-ship's dynamic or if they're the number one yume, or even the character themselves. i remember i was talking about a character in the context of how they were being potrayed in songs by their songwriter and how i don't think the songwriter is doing the character justice. i'm not even dissing the character. tell me why i got vagued by someone about how people shouldn't talk bad about characters and songs that mean a lot to people and to keep bad thoughts to themselves? i later got blocked by this person entirely. i'd understand if I was being overly negative about the character, i block people for hating my faves all the time. i'm just confused that critiquing the production behind your fave gets that reaction.

i do wish this yume stuff gets tame soon because i do like aspects of the community from an outsider looking in. i like oshikatsu. i like people getting creative with certain worlds and being immersed in it, i like that the community spends money on artists. i just wish some things would change.

hello! this is a bit scrappy but i wanted to make a log of sorts for my site. nothing too personal i wanna say because...vunerable, but idk i wanna ramble on sometimes.

this site has been really fun to code so far. it's frustrating for sure (fuck you iframes) but it's very nice that i can make this site truely mine, y'know? i liked making carrds but aparently those aren't in anymore which is like...what da hell. rentry looks ugly with ads and strawpage...look i have a strawpage but it's barebones. i think it can look great if you really try but i only have it as a ask box and nothing more.

i hope this site will do me some good. i like posting on twitter, but i think people are very weird on there sometimes. i've been using it less lately, mostly because i have college, but also because i kinda lost interest with engaging with some communities because of how mean people can get. i'm mostly in hypmic fandom, which is pretty ok for the most part, but i can't lie and say it didn't leave me exhausted. it's no one's fault in particular but sometimes it's just like...man...some of these people are getting on my nervers, good god... like i can't be bothered to care. so i've been doing my own thing instead, which has been better for me to be honest. i do like fandom, but sometimes it gets tiring.

other than my personal gripes with online community, i do wanna try to talk about what i'm doing more. since i started college in 2023, i have been doing more stuff that makes me happy. the backhalf of 2022 and a lot of 2023 was rough for me for a lot of reasons i won't get into, so i made a point to make sure that i only do things with my best interest in mind. it's hard to get out there and do things sometimes, especially since i don't have the means to do the things i truely want, but i can't lie, 2025 has been pretty decent to me. i made really good friends that actually care for me, i'm getting only A's and B's in my classes, i'm generally happier now than i was three years ago.

I want to share more of myself and more of what makes me happy on here. i wanna talk about my friends and what interests me and speak my mind about whatever without worry. that's the purpose of this. i hope that these logs are at least interesting to those who care. see ya!

the following is just for a test to see if the formatting works. ok?

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.